December

-School: After accepting the fact that I may get a B or two, I was surprised to get get back to my normal all A semester!! next semester starts on January 11th and I am so close to being excited about it! I'm taking five classes (Infancy field study, Developmental Assessment, Teaching Individuals with Disabilities, Language Development and Emergent Lit, and Current Issues within the Family) plus band for a total of 16 hours. This will be a challange as last semester was my busiest to date with only 14 hours.

-Uncool: After much debate and research, I decided to pay my speeding ticket. I may have won had I gone to court, but... it's done and I'd rather not think about it. :)

-Shopping: becomes boring after working in a mall.

-New Job: So I have worked at the Picture People for about 4 weeks now. Everyone says I'm their favorite new person and would like me to stay on after the holiday season. For the most part I sign people in, edit pictures, sell to the customer, take their money, and print the pictures. However the other night I got to take the pictures!!! for training purposes, we give a free sheet to anyone who will let us practice on them. So this lady not only got her free sheet, but she also bought 3 extra sheets! :-)

-Birthday: 3 months and 3 days until I turn 21! :-D

-New Laptop: finally arrived the day after my last final. At least once a day I will go into my room to find someone on _my_ bed, using _my_ laptop. oh well.. I guess I can live with that for a while.

-Holiday Break: makes me miss people! for whatever reason, I hardly ever see anyone- from church and school- during any type of break. this makes me incredibly sad.

-Going North?: stupid us, right? my cousin is getting married January 1st in Nebraska so we're going up there for a few days in the dead of winter. Weather.com says the high is supposed to be 18 all weekend. :-/

-Someone: I miss someone incredibly much. it's been too long since seeing this person and it will be even longer yet as we're leaving Thursday morning. sigh..

-Posts: maybe one day soon i'll actually have something important to say!

November

-School: two assignments and two tests. two springs, two summers, one fall. graduation.

-Uncool: first speeding ticket. in the process of deciding whether to pay, knowing I was not going that fast, or going to court. two days later, a parking ticket. needless to say, I wanted to quit driving for a while.

-Shopping: fun with money. theraputic. necessary.

-Braces: should be coming off in March! orthodontist appointment next week.

-New Job: at a portrait studio!!!!! thank the Lord! for the month of December only, then back to school and daycare.

-Nail polish: lost. :-/

-Music: love the Philharmonic! Straight No Chaser's Christmas Can Can is hilarious! would love to see the Trans-Syberian Orchestra.

-Next Semester: in band at UCO!!

-Birthday: party decided. polka dancing in Yukon. everyone is invited. (never too early to start planning)

-Thanksgiving: in two days.

-Christmas: 30 days.

-Black Friday: new laptop!

-Officially Unofficial: my secret. :-)

-Life: grand. :-D

Cru

Campus Crusade for Christ Fall Retreat 2009

I decided to go last minute- my sister said I'd never make friends if I didn't. So I did.

I arrive at the carpool meeting place knowning only faces. I knew probably a grand total of 2 or 3 names. We loaded in several cars and began our trip to Miami, OK. Amber, Trisha and I rode in Ryan's car. Pretty soon we girls started talking and I'm pretty sure Ryan was hoping we'd stop sometime before we arrived. :-D We finally arrived, unloaded and joined the others for the first meeting of the retreat. The students were divided into school- OU, OSU, and UCO/other. The speaker was good, not deep teaching, but good none the less. That evening we had "campus time" (ice breakers and prayer with our school), a camp fire and kreoke. Man, some of the "singers" were completely aweful! Being too tired to mingle, I started talking to a girl from UCO, Rachel. Sweet girl- in fact, all of the UCO girls are just the nicest girls! The cabins had a large room with 4 bunkbeds and a smaller room with 2 for a total of 12 girls in a suite thing. Trisha, Amber and Bo Mi shared the smaller room with me. The next morning, after an early breakfast and meeting, we were to have a 45 minute quiet time. Right before we were let out for our quiet time, I had been sitting by Bo Mi (a Korean girl here for a while) and we walked out together. Even though I desperately wanted to be alone right then, she was talking to me and I guess didn't realize we were supposed to be alone. She then started asking questions about praying and God and other stuff. So I answered her questions the best I could. She was not a Christian and didn't understand all of it. A few hours later, we had breakout sessions and she eagerly went to the one teaching about the Bible. Fast forward a few more hours, after dinner and the evening meal, we sat in our room and she began asking questions once again. This time Amber and Trisha were also there. We ended up talking about God for 4 1/2 hours!! (there was a barn dance which I wanted to attend, but felt God's presence in our room) Several times she would stop and think really hard about what one of us had just said. I really believe God was working on her heart. I didn't stop praying as we spoke. This was so exciting!

As far as I know, Bo Mi has not accepted Christ as Savior... yet. But through this experience, God has given me a desire to know Him more, to be prepare to give an answer for my faith, and to really live the way Christ lived. I loved the fellowship of the weekend- it was so nice to spend time with believers! Over the past few weeks in our Wednesday night class at church, Mr. Boyd has been talking about what it means to be a witness. So when he asked for a testimony, I was able to talk about my experience. After class I was again reminded how wonderful it is to talk and encourage others in Christ.

God is awesome!!!

My children...

Yes, that is true.. childREN! In my child development class, we are piloting a program called My Virtual Child, pretty much we each have an online baby that we get to raise until he or she is 18. A few weeks ago I signed in, answered some questions and was excited when it said I had a boy! Eli was a few weeks premature but grew fast and was soon very intelligent and social. :-) Makes his Mama proud! Anyway, the other day he turned 2 1/2 yrs and it told me I am expecting again!!! How fun is that?? (answer A LOT) I got to tell my in-class "parent support group" and the girls who sit near me that my Eli was getting a new sibling and they were all thrilled! [Unfortuntely most of my family thinks it's just a little more than weird..] Yes, so I'll be a mommy to two little darlings. :-D I really hope it's a girl, but wouldn't it be fun to have two little boys? The problem is that I don't know what to name Baby #2. My thoughts were: Ella (short for Selah or Gabriella) for a girl and maybe Judah or Uriah for a boy? Since my "partner" is also virtual, I have to make all the decisions.

((ps I LOVE this class!))
((pps I admit, I do have a picture of him on my phone))

summer is over?

'Tis true. My summer is over. My summer of working long(ish) hours at the office, my summer of laying on the trampoline soaking up the sun, my summer of reading C.S.Lewis and hanging out with friends. *sigh* It was a marvelous summer. :-)
(not without trials, but i won't go into that)


School starts tomorrow- spent all yesterday at orientation. I'm scared... well, more nervous than scared. I have four classes tomorrow- two of which are senior level courses. ahh! How can I be taking senior classes already?? Didn't I just start college not that long ago? Mary and I go into these conversations of astonishment of this coming school year. Her, a senior in high school and I, a junior in college. I can scarce believe it.

Strength for Today

~~~
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. Ps. 27
~~~

I don't have to know about tomorrow, all I need to know is what I am to do today. And that is wait. My LORD will tell me what to do, where to go, or to wait another day. I can survive anything (so far) for a day. As long as I know the end will come, He will strengthen my heart and I will make it through. He is my strength, He will help me through my confusing thoughts and feelings. He is my strength when I am over come with giddiness or tears, or both. He is my strength when girls all around me are getting engaged and married, my best non-sister friend included. He is my strength when I miss someone more than expected. He is my strength when my friends are going through crises and turn to me for help. He is my strength when I don't know how to help them. Or what to say.

~~~
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart. O take and seal it; Seal it for thy courts above.
~~~

Recent Pictures

*my new phone
*WHC grad
*WHC grad
*Andrea and I at a park
*cool shadows at Frontier City
*My Sweetie and me

ARGH

How many times must this keep coming up?

I hate the feeling that one cannot be oneself in every situation. I hate not feeling safe to be me, especially in places where I ought to feel safe. Our church's... 'motto,' I guess, is Western Hills Church, A Safe Place. That's fine. Whatever. But I don't feel safe there. Sure, I don't worry about a psycho in black coming in the back doors and shooting everyone, but there are more than one way to feel unsafe. The un-safe-ness I feel is from judgement, from rumors, from distrust. I guess it's to be expected, coming from a church in which it's a terrible sin to sit by a guy let alone ... gasp!... carry on a conversation with him! Yep, that's what this rant is about...boys. jk. Anyway, back to my point. If I (or others) don't feel safe talking in a safe place, those conversations won't cease, but just change locations. Not saying that I'm going to talk all night on the phone to a guy just because. But I might start feeling safer texting, or emailing him or talking to him elsewhere. This very well could be safe, safe from rumors, but is it truly safe? Of that I'm not so sure.

After several months of hearing things from different people, I try to watch where and when I talk to people of a certain gender.. I keep a running list of people I can't let see me talk to guys, well... guy, because I know I will hear about it later. I don't mind people asking me, but when they assume things and tell other people, or tell me that I am dating someone.... that I don't like. Evidently, contrary to popular belief, one must not get to know someone before beginning a 'relationship,' and being just friends is waay to sinful. :-p that's what I say!

Now, not only at church must I be extra careful, but also online! *Frusterated and sad face* I just don't know what to do anymore! I do not plan to stop my friendships that mean so much to me just because people talk about us.

I want to feel safe at my church. Unfortunately, I highly doubt that will happen. I know I'm not alone because other girls have gone through this very thing, it truly is so sad!

(please excuse any spelling/grammar issues, I'm not in a good mood to fix them.)

My career at Rose is over! :-)

Graduation :-)

My beeeautiful hair up close!











me and "my" guys.


my 'cousin' Gary-- 2nd time we graduated together!


the classic shoe picture

Dancing in the rain

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain!

There are a few times in the year in which I wish I could just sleep the week(s) away. Like now. School is as busy as ever, I have more papers to write than fingers on one hand, tests, quizzes, finals, not to mention all the reading I'm behind in. This quote is not a new one to me... I've heard it so many times. This time though.... I started thinking about how I'm in this storm called 'last few weeks of school' and all I want is the semester to be over, the storm to pass. My life will be full of times just like this- except Lord willing it won't be school- full of times I will just want to stop living for a few days and forget about everything on my to-do list. I don't want to wish my life away, because I love living! So... I have to learn something else. How to dance in the rain.

How can I live my life in a way glorifying to God during a storm?

~Seek ye first the kingdom of God. Another lesson He as been so gracious to begin with me (no, I have not passed that test yet...). Don't you love it when God points out a verse (from any old place you happen to be reading) and it goes along exactly with what has been happening in your life? (Matthew 6:33)

~Rejoice always, and again I say rejoice! (Philippians 4:4)

~Love and obey the Lord. (Deuteronomy 30:6)

Truths
~He will never leave nor forsake me.(Hebrews 13:5)

~He has already given me everything partianing to life and godliness.(2 Peter 1:3)

~He loves me.(Zephaniah 3:17)

PS. if you haven't read Mere Christianity... you should.

Where do you find your satisfaction?

Yesterday the Rose BCM had invited a preacher to come speak to us. At first I was like, sure whatever, that's fine. Then he started to talk. He spoke about how people have a need to be satisfied, and how different people try to gain that satisfied. He used the analogy of how he and his wife usually end up going to McDonalds after being indecisive on which type of food (i.e. Mexican, Italian, Chinese) they felt like eating. People know they are hungry, but they just don't know what they are hungry for. So they fill up on 'junk' food, unhealthy food that really isn't that enjoyable. What am I filling up on? TV? Internet? Friends? I know I don't have to do these things to fill up my life... they won't (and can't) make me satisfied. I need to eat those healthy foods like reading and meditating on God's Word, reading other worth while books, spending time with godly people, and of course, talking to the God Who loves me so! God is the only thing that will bring true satisfaction.

Soo... what are you eating? what are you spending your time doing? where are you finding satisfaction?

All my life I had a longing
For a drink from some clear spring,
That I hoped would quench the burning
Of the thirst I felt within.

Refrain

Hallelujah! I have found Him
Whom my soul so long has craved!
Jesus satisfies my longings,
Through His blood I now am saved.

Feeding on the husks around me,
Till my strength was almost gone,
Longed my soul for something better,
Only still to hunger on.

Refrain

Poor I was, and sought for riches,
Something that would satisfy,
But the dust I gathered round me
Only mocked my soul’s sad cry.

Refrain

Well of water, ever springing,
Bread of life so rich and free,
Untold wealth that never faileth,
My Redeemer is to me.

Refrain

A Ski Trip Story- from the Sister's Point of View

It was a day of beauty beyond compare. The sun had risen and sparkled on the new snow. It was a day of great promise. A day of skiing! A day of new challenges and unknown trials. Two sisters had planned to spend time together that day on the green slopes at Eldora Mountain Resort in the Rocky Colorado Mountains. I began the day helping a friend learn on the bunny hill before I was to meet my younger sister. As I was about to load onto the ski lift I heard the discomforting words directed to me, "have you heard about Mary?" My heart skipped a beat not knowing what this friend was referring to. No, what? I asked. She fell and is bleeding, she replied. We both got onto the lift, trying to wait patiently as we rode while the concern for my sister grew. As we neared the top, I saw several people gathered near the wooden fence- that must be her on the ground. I called out to them… not fully expecting an answer. No response. I hoped and prayed that I would reach them before they took her away. I skied over and told them she was my sister; asking again if she was alright. The man said it was just precautionary and that I was welcome to follow them down to the First Aid building. There she was, my younger sister and dear friend, being skied down the mountain in what appeared to be a bright red mummy sack. I began to follow them down as fast as I could- I thought I would fall- and it took forever. My mind was racing, I did not know what was to happen next.

By the time I entered the small, red-crossed building, they had my dear strapped onto a stretcher, lying on a table. Her nose and chin were covered in blood. One man asked if he could cut off her glove and another poked her to find pain. They soon spoke of ambulances, x-rays, concussions, broken bones and fractures. A single tear fell from her calm face. I could not handle such tragic and sudden news, so I stepped into the outer room. Tears could not be contained. Friends were there to comfort me with sympathetic words, tender looks and encouraging hugs. The leader of our group had arrived and told me I could go to the hospital if I wanted. I knew I needed to be there for her. I had to go. Shocked, and probably shaking, I started back to the lodge to prepare to leave for Boulder Community Hospital. Someone carried my skis, while someone else helped me up the snowy incline. A group of girls, maybe 4 or 5, were waiting outside as we approached. I tried to update them on my sister's condition, but more tears came instead. After another round of hugs, I eventually went inside to remove my ski attire and gather my things.

I don't remember how I got back to the first aid building, but I was waiting there when Mrs. Sauer, a mother from our group, drove up. I had been told she would be in the ambulance with my sister and that I would ride with Mr. Coday, another sponsor, in the car behind them. A friend was setting in the front seat and quickly moved to the back so I could set there- he wanted to come with us. Two younger girls saw him and wished to join our little party down the mountain. Tears were coming and going. Mr. Coday and Mr. Jestes came to the car to talk with me. They repeated that I didn't need to go... and that Mary wanted me to stay and ski. Joe (who had witnessed the accident) came and told me she was in the ambulance and they were about ready to leave. I was faced with an immediate decision: to go or stay? Mr. Coday decided for me; I was to stay because of my "emotional instability." Besides, there would be nothing for me to do at the hospital except wait.

I walked back to the lodge with the others who had been waiting to leave. I sat... I cried... I was told to eat cake... I waited for the call. I listened to the many different versions and details of the accident: how those ahead thought it was someone else, how Joe took charge and told the others to continue skiing, how Jake ran up the mountain to get assistance, and how Matt cried “blood! Blood!” when he saw her.

About an hour later I went back out on the slopes, this time a blue, with Jared. On the way up, we heard about another girl from our group who had- she had twisted her leg badly. The cool winter breeze felt good on my still slightly wet face. The ski down was enjoyable... although somewhat difficult due to my tiredness and lack of skiing skills. After I went down a green slope alone to calm myself further, I went back to the lodge in hopes of news of my sister.

Mrs. McGuinness had heard nothing about her. The other girl, Jenna, had already been to the First Aid building and was then sitting in a van waiting to be taken back to our lodge. Some of us volunteered to return with her early, we were told that my sister was already there. I was sent to buy our new patient something to eat, so I went over to the other building with two friends. After Julya left to deliver the food, Kaleb and I went to the gift store. There a key chain was selected and bought for my sister as a souvenir, a reminder of this unforgettable day. We had to wait for quite a while before enough people came to fill up the van. Then we started our long journey to our lodge.

After stopping at the gas station, Mr. Huskey decided his daughter needed crutches. He found a man who would sell them to him. Tanker, as we learned was his name, got in our van. He looked slightly odd. Not tall, quite large, bald and most un-fasionably dressed to say the least. Tape held his large glasses together, his name was written (in Sharpie) on his denim jacket and he carried a long stick with a 'mountain crystal' on the end. During the short ride to his home he told us many things: from losing nearly 200 pounds, having a tank drive over his leg (thus his name), and multiple leg surgeries, to making his living on Social Security, pawn shops and his 'mountain crystal' walking sticks. After stopping at his home and returning him to where we picked him up, we were finally on our way to the lodge. After thirty more minutes of beautiful mountain scenery and a few pictures, we arrived. I rushed inside while the others helped our 'crippled' friend. Up the stairs to the main room, down those same stairs to our room... but she was not anywhere.

Frantically I called Mr. Coday and Mrs. Sauer, neither answered. Someone suggested I call the hospital. I asked the owner of the lodge if she happened to have the number.... she brings out her cell phone (I thought, 'oh great, this must happen often'). Surprisingly, I only had to go through 2 or 3 people before someone knew how she was. The lady said she was fine, although she had broken her wrist.

Now the only thing we could do was wait... and wait... and wait. Corban, Courtney, Kaci, and I waited on the landing, this year’s favorite hangout. Almost an hour and a half later, we heard van doors and then feet climbing the stairs- but it wasn't Mary. Everyone else had arrived, most with questions in their eyes. Some voiced their concern but I didn't have sufficient answers. Another 45 minutes passed before I heard rumors that they had driven up. I ran down the stairs and what I saw slightly surprised me.

There was my sister, the sleeves of her new shirt were cut, her left arm in a sling, her face smiling, but sad. We walked together to our room. She wanted to clean up and change clothes before the others saw her. Within the 10 minutes we were in the room, several girls knocked on our door to see her. I think it was Angela who referred to her as 'bloody Mary.'

After 2 casts, 8 stitches, 3 weeks of therapy and several months, her wrist and face have healed. I, however, have yet to live down my reputation of 'emotional instability.'

Here my story ends, but this is just the beginning of Mary’s. This was one day I won't forget- the kindness of my friends, how life can change in an insistent, this man named Tanker, and how Great my God is.

Emotions

If you know me well at all, you probably know that I'm not much of a crier. This week has been difficult for me and I've cried. I am not exactly sure why. This sick-ish-ness hasn't helped any either. Being tired all day and not sleeping at night kinda stinks. :-/ Plus my rear has been hurting more than normal. Anyway, enough complaining.

Excitement. Surprise. Scared. Happy. Giddy. Confused. Did I mention giddy?

I have to learn patience and how to focus on what I need to, not what I want to.

Needless to say, these past few days have been.. different. All those emotions at the same time is not something I am used to by any means.

Please pray for me, to learn whatever God has for me to learn right now. To spend even more time with my Creator and Lover. To have peace in the midst of my emotions and thoughts. That my love of complaining would cease.. That others can see the Light in my life.